A Mother's Sad "Choice"
For the first three months of my daughter's life, I was fortunate enough to be there for her 24/7. My employers have been so compassionate and accommodating from the day of her birth. They gave me full-paid maternity leave for 3 months and allowed me to work from home 2 days of the week, still full-paid, for the months thereafter. When our daycare situation changed in her 5th month, they allowed me to work from home full-time - still paid - while I looked for alternate day care, which I found in her 7th month. Thereafter, they allowed me to go back to my schedule of 3 days at the office and 2 days at home.
My employers haven't said a thing about changing my schedule but, to show my gratitude for their kindness, my husband and I decided that I should go back to work full-time beginning January 2. I know it's the right thing to do and I can't expect my employers - who have been amazing through all of this - to continue to be so accommodating without some form of compensation from me. But it breaks my heart to think that I will only see my daughter briefly in the mornings while we rush her off to daycare on our way to work and at night, for maybe 2 hours, before her bedtime. I fear she will grow up without me and I'll miss all the important milestones she had yet to reach - her first step, her first sentence. I fear she will call her daycare provider "mommy" and that she'll start to view me as just another temporary care provider. But what choice do we have? We live in the most expensive city in the US and my husband's paycheck alone won't cover everything. Furthermore, I love where I work - my employers, my co-workers, the fact that I have my own office and we're located right in the heart of Boston. A part of me misses the 9-to-5 experience, the coming into work with coffee in hand, sitting in my office and checking my messages. But my desire to be the most influential and constant presence in my daughter's life far outweighs all that. It's such a difficult choice, one I have made with no shortage of tears.
My employers haven't said a thing about changing my schedule but, to show my gratitude for their kindness, my husband and I decided that I should go back to work full-time beginning January 2. I know it's the right thing to do and I can't expect my employers - who have been amazing through all of this - to continue to be so accommodating without some form of compensation from me. But it breaks my heart to think that I will only see my daughter briefly in the mornings while we rush her off to daycare on our way to work and at night, for maybe 2 hours, before her bedtime. I fear she will grow up without me and I'll miss all the important milestones she had yet to reach - her first step, her first sentence. I fear she will call her daycare provider "mommy" and that she'll start to view me as just another temporary care provider. But what choice do we have? We live in the most expensive city in the US and my husband's paycheck alone won't cover everything. Furthermore, I love where I work - my employers, my co-workers, the fact that I have my own office and we're located right in the heart of Boston. A part of me misses the 9-to-5 experience, the coming into work with coffee in hand, sitting in my office and checking my messages. But my desire to be the most influential and constant presence in my daughter's life far outweighs all that. It's such a difficult choice, one I have made with no shortage of tears.
posted by Margie at 11:24 AM
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