Spring time fun

Makayla smiling at mommy while playing peek-a-boo. We were waiting for Bob in the car while he ran into the post office to pick up a package. It took longer than we had expected so I did everything I could to entertain Makayla.Makayla's reaction to my singing. Anything to keep her entertained. Makayla and her daddy at Commonwealth Avenue Mall in Boston, Massachusetts. It's called a mall but it's really a wide sidewalk in a middle of a park, which is sandwiched between two roads.
People watching at Commonwealth Avenue Mall in Boston.

Makayla exploring the pavement at Commonwealth Avenue Mall in Boston. Makayla running around Commonwealth Avenue Mall in Boston.

See ya later!

The First Step

As the day we move to Canada approaches, I feel that familiar feeling of fear creeping into my psyche: fear of failure, fear of change. It's always easier to keep the status quo, to live comfortably and securely in a familiar, daily routine. It's easier to stay at a job you neither love nor hate than to take the plunge at the unknown. Yet, I know that I need to do move back to Toronto to practice my profession, once and for all. I've put it off for 4 years for fear of failing, of disappointing clients, of looking like a fool before other lawyers. But failure is not necessarily a bad thing. In failing, we learn to succeed. I think back on when my daughter was just learning to walk. She fell many, many times before she finally succeeded in walking, unassisted, without falling. Now, she's running around. Where would she be if she was too afraid to take that first step?

"In order to succeed, you must first be willing to fail." - Anonymous

Happy Mother's Day!

I never fully appreciated my mother and all mothers, in general, until I became one myself. I never fully understood the depth of love and care that my mother must have for me and whenever I look at my daughter, I am in awe at how much love my mother must feel, or least must have felt at one time, for me.

To all mothers, Happy Mother's Day! A little poem I found online:

A MOTHER'S LOVE

A Mother's love is something that no on can explain,

It is made of deep devotion and of sacrifice and pain,

It is endless and unselfish and enduring come what may

For nothing can destroy it or take that love away . . .

It is patient and forgiving when all others are forsaking,

And it never fails or falters even though the heart is breaking . . .

It believes beyond believing when the world around condemns,

And it glows with all the beauty of the rarest, brightest gems . . .

It is far beyond defining, it defies all explanation,

And it still remains a secret like the mysteries of creation . . .

A many splendoured miracle man cannot understand

And another wondrous evidence of God's tender guiding hand.

~Helen Steiner Rice~

My new addiction

Last Christmas, I came across a bag of gourment marshmallows at Bath & Body Works. They had a different, much denser, texture than the mass produced versions you would find at your local grocery store. I loved how rich they tasted and how they fluffed up in my hot-chocolate.

Lately, I've been craving those gourmet marshmallows but have been unsuccessful at locating a store here in Boston who sells them. (Strangely, I also craved marshmallows - the mass produced kinds I had known all my life before finding the gourmet version - during my pregnancy so I hope this graving doesn't have any similar meanings). Anyway, I found a website where I could buy gourmet marshmallows in various flavours. I ordered a bag of the Chocolate Chipetta Plush Puffs and a bag of the Vanilla Bean Plush Puffs. I can't wait to try some of the recipes they have on the website, like Marshmallow tacos. Excuse me while I mop up some of my saliva off the keyboard.

Cultural Insensitivity or Plain Ignorance? I say "Both."

I read this article and was immediately affected. I am what Canadians call a "Filipino-Canadian." I grew up in Canada and while I was born in the Philippines, I never felt that strong emotional connection to that country that my parents, like other Filipino-Canadians who grew up in the Philippines, continue to feel even after almost 30 years in Canada.

I also went to McGill University Faculty of Law, which is located in Montreal, Quebec, where this incident took place. I liked Montreal but only as a place I like to visit, not a place where I would feel comfortable setting up permanent residency. I always sensed an air of superiority or, more accurately, supposed superiority among the Quebecois: they thought themselves culturally superior - as pseudo French, extended Francophone, France's long-lost and long forgotten distant cousin - to most everyone else in Canada. To say the least, I was not surprised that this incident occurred in Quebec.

What angers me is that these adults would insult a child in this way, perhaps forever instilling in him a sense of racial inferiority. I felt that inferiority a lot when I was a child, surrounded by white Canadians children who would laugh at the food my mom packed for me or who insisted I was Chinese. (To them, every Asian person was Chinese. I have learned through the years that this is not limited to children.) If I could speak to this boy, I would tell him to ignore what he has been told by his teachers and to take pride in his cultural roots. He is, and always will be, Filipino and that means something. It means he is part of a culture of hard-working, God-fearing, compassionate, intelligent and kind-hearted people. It means he is part of a culture and of a people who have survived numerous foreign invasions, a culture strengthened, not diluted by attempts by those who aimed at "converting" them into mirror images of their invaders.

I have another connection to this story: I interned at the Centre for Research Action on Race Relations ("CRARR") and worked closely with Fo Niemi, the gentleman hired by boy's parents to represent them before the Quebec Human Rights Commission. I know he is more than capable in handling this case and feel good knowing that he was the person chosen to handle this matter on behalf of the boy and his parents.

Dollars and Cents: What Mothers Are Worth

A recent study conducted by Salary.com estimated that the average US stay-at-home mom would earn $134,121.00 annually if paid for all her work. The average US mom who works outside the home on a full-time basis would earn $85,876 annually on top of her actual wages for the work she does at home. While it would wonderful to be paid to do all the things I do as a mother (who would say "No" to $85K on top of what already earn outside the home?), the only payment I seek is an unsolicited, sweet little kiss from my little girl. When she approaches me and places a kiss on my lips, all the sleepless nights, sore nipples and minor inconveniences that a child brings are quickly forgotten.

My Girl

I love this picture of my daughter. I think it shows all the wonderful sides of her: happy, playful, innocence and sweetness. I have it downloaded onto my work computer and keep it in an open window on my desktop all day long. It is one of among 7 pictures of her that are scattered around my office. It is a reminder of why I am at work, instead of where I really want to be, which is with her.

My daughter is one certain bright spot in my day. Every work day morning, as we drop her off at daycare, I impatiently count down the hours until I see her again. Each day, I grow more remorseful, knowing that she is growing up so much faster than I had expected. I already regret all the little moments I will never recapture with her. I mourn all the little smiles, giggles, tears, new words and cute little gestures that she surely expresses while at daycare. I feel robbed of these special moments, yet feel powerless to change the situation. I work because it is financially necessary for me to do so. On a balance sheet anaylsis, it remains financially prudent for me to work full-time. Emotions aside, we still need a place to live and food to eat. And so, I remain here, tethered to my desk and surrounded by pictures of my little sunshine.

My Girl (Margie's version)

I've got sunshine on a cloudy day.
When it's cold outside I've got the month of May.
I guess you'd say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl (my girl, my girl)
Talkin' 'bout my girl (Ma-kayla).

I've got so much honey, the bees envy me.
I've got a sweeter song than the birds in the trees.
I guess you'd say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl (my girl, my girl)
Talkin' 'bout my girl (Ma-kayla).

I don't need no money, fortune, or fame.
I've got all the riches baby one MOM can claim.
I guess you'd say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl (my girl, my girl)
Talkin' 'bout my girl (Ma-kayla).

I've got sunshine on a cloudy day
with my girl.
I've even got the month of May
with my girl (fade)