No regrets: Better said than done

I have been in an emotional funk for the past few months. I often feel depressed, defeated, numb. I know and count my blessings every day: a healthy, beautiful child; a good husband; an education from an impressive university; my health; a family who cares for and supports me. But I find myself walking around in a fog, thinking of all the "what ifs" and "if onlys." I watch acquaintances and friends from my past moving forward in their lives - achieving one success after another - and I feel left behind...so way behind. I know that life is not a race and I shouldn't measure the value of my accomplishments against the accomplishments of others. But I cannot help but feel like my life isn't going as I had planned or wished it would. I feel as though I have chosen the wrong paths that have led me to a dead-end. I find myself struggling to live each day - one day at a time - and to accept that what's done is done. I am finding it difficult to even look for a way out of my situation because I am so fixed on what was and what I wish it could be, instead of focusing on what is. How do I let go off my regrets when I am reminded every day of the discrepancy between what I want and what I have? How can I stop feeling the ugly emotion of envy for what others have and be grateful for what is in front of me, wihout losing the ambition to work towards more for myself and my family?

A decade ago, my personal motto was "No regrets." Today, sadly, I have many.

To a Dear Friend in Pain

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together - Anonymous

Give man your whole heart, and he will break it. Give God your broken heart, and He whole will make it-- Edmund Prestwich, The Broken Heart.

September 11, 2001

Everyone has been affected by the events that occurred five years today - some more than others. For me, that day reminds me of the fragility of life, and the seemingly random way it could be taken away from you. It reminds me to constantly remind those I love of my affection for them and to never put off a kind word or gesture for another day. For my family, that day has resulted in a more intense fear of flying and lost opportunities to see the world outside of this continent. It also reminds me of the destructive force of hate and ignorance, one that compels men to kill thousands of strangers who are innocently going about their daily lives.

To those who were directly affected by the events of 9/11/01, my condolenscences. To the rest of us, I hope we all somehow find peace.