Unexpected yet much needed

I've been down lately for many reasons - too many for me to pour out here [See last post for vague reference]. So, I was grateful for the opportunity to read the following on a friend's myspace page. It's exactly what I needed to read, especially the first line.

Regrets

Do you have any regrets? Do you ever think about how your life has turned out thus far and wished you could turn back time? I do.

When I was much younger, my motto was "No regrets." Yet, I lived my life timidly, making choices that were forced upon me by others. Today, I look back and wonder why I made those choices when I knew, in my heart of hearts, that they would lead to undesireable consequences.

If I could turn back time, I would choose to do so only if I can pick and choose the consequences of my actions. If I could turn back time, I would only want to keep very few of the "results" of my choices. But life doesn't come with a rewind button; we don't have the luxury of a "do-over." We can only make choices this very moment, this very day, that will influence our lives tomorrow. I have to stop thinking about the "what ifs" and the "if onlys." I have to turn over a fresh page and live life fully despite my many regrets. I pray I can die someday knowing that my regrets ended today.

Saying Goodbye - The Final Farewell

The move from Boston was, to say the least, very hectic. My husband and I packed and cleaned our apartment seemingly nonstop from Wednesday afternoon to Friday morning. Without the help of his friends, we wouldn't have made our self-imposed deadline of leaving by noon on Friday.

After cleaning nonstop for 5 hours, I took pictures of our empty apartment. I felt no emotions as I snapped digital photos of the front door through which we brought Makayla home for the first time. I didn't shed a tear as I recorded the pristine state of her first room. And as I closed the door for the last time, I didn't look back.

As we drove down the streets of Watertown, our hidden jewel of a town just 5 minutes from Harvard University, it had started to rain. I silently said good-bye to Andrea's Pizza and the 71 bus that usually took me to Harvard Square's shops, restuarants, the T and to my night classes at Harvard U. I thought of the little park at Harvard Square where we would sit, sip coffee and watch Makayla as she chased the birds. I bade farewell to Target and Carter's; Lucky House Chinese restaurant; our first apartment with the amazing walk-in/sleep in closet on Mount Auburn Street; Not Your Average Joe's; the CVS; and the 70 bus that travels through Watertown Square to Waltham's Moody Street. I thought of Memorial Drive, the road we took to Massachusetts General Hospital one early morning after a blizzard in January 2005. I thought of our ride back a few days later, the bitter winter cold knocking our breaths out of us as we brought Makayla home. I thought of my weekday rides on the T, the redline from Harvard Square to Park Street, then the green line from Park Street to Government Center. I thought of Au Bon Pain and Rebecca's cafe, my favourite haunts for my morning coffee or hot chocolate. I brought to my mind's eye the images of Downtown Crossing, where I'd go to shop during my lunch break. I thought of all the places I have been in Boston and all the people I have met.

I will miss you, good old Beantown. I will miss your charming Northeastern drawl (the "caas" instead of cars) and your unfaltering loyalty to the hometown teams. I will miss your slap-on-the-back friendliness and your gentlemen holding doors open. I will miss the many parts of you I have enjoyed: from the shops and restaurants of Newbury Street, to the heights at the Top of the Hub, to the depths of the historic T. I will miss the sweets at Mike's Pastry, the bars at Davis Square, your Boston Common and Boston Gardens, the always busy Charles River, the Hello Kitty merchandise at Newbury and Harvard Square. I will miss you, my dear Boston. In my heart, you will always be my hometown.