Broken Heart

A little over a month ago, my heart was shattered. My world was turned upside down and my faith in my perception of things was greatly shaken. It was the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I do not know if I will ever recover.

There are days and nights when my heart physically hurts. There are moments when I feel such pain and despair that no amount of tears will feel sufficient to ease the hurt that I feel. I can be doing mundane, everyday things one second and find myself sobbing and in the fetal position the next second.

I wonder if anyone has ever died from a broken heart. I once heard of a saying that went something like this: "You can't die of a broken heart; you just wish you could." I know now how true that is.

But no matter how much pain, sadness and despair I feel, I cannot do anything but move forward. I have two little girls who are counting on me to be the strong and responsible parent. I was one week fresh into my new job before my world exploded and I couldn't afford to fall apart when I still had to prove myself to my new boss and my new colleagues. It has been the toughest couple of months of my life, to say the least.

I haven't really had time to grieve the loss of my best friend. It matters not that the sentiment wasn't mutual. And while I've been accused of missing the "benefits" of the relationship, I miss the person I believed he was. Sometimes I wonder what was true and what was deception; but one thing is for sure: I loved him unconditionally, whoever he was.

I know I won't die of this broken heart. I just wonder if it will ever heal or if I even have a heart left.